The Disgusting Lives of the Ishuzoku Reviewers
by bigbadoneechan
Summary: In your average episode of Ishuzoku/Interspecies Reviewers, the gang gets laid and writes about it. What happens if things go wrong and get more interesting? That's what this story is about: the everyday lives of the Ishuzoku Reviewers being shaken up and thrown about. tbh I do not like the series and this is catharsis and also its very funny. many ideas by Brightside (not on site)
1. Chapter 1: Bone Zone

CHAPTER 1: It's Time to Enter the Bone Zone

It was your average day at the inn. Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise were all drinking and eating heartily, talking about their favorite thing in the world: sex. Crimvael and Meidri were serving customers their orders and getting stared at by the lecherous of the patrons (except Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise, who took an oath to only have sex with Succu-Girls).

"The skeletal system of humanoid creatures is NOT sexy," said Stunk to his friends.

"C'mon, you're just being a baka human poophead," said Zel, getting worked up.

"I think YOU'RE being a BONER! Hahahahaha" said Stunk, making himself and his friends laugh at his crude joke.

"Alright! Let's go to a brothel!" shouted Stunk, standing up and throwing his money on the table.

Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Crimvael all stood in front of their destination of the day: a brothel known as "THE BONE ZONE." Crimvael and Stunk were rather frightened of going in but Zel and Kanchal walked right in without fear. After paying their way in and finding the least unattractive skeleton Succu-Girl they could, they each went into their individual rooms to get boned haha it's a sex joke do you get it?

On the rigid and uncomfortable bed, Stunk stared at his skeleton Succu-Girl: she was a skeleton alright. A really sexy skeleton. I'm sorry how am I supposed to describe a skeleton as sexy? Her pure white bones glistened in the candlelight, her eye-sockets maintaining a dark aura Stunk could not help but stare into. He caressed her ribcage and felt the tough and cold bones.

"Teehee~ that tickled," the skeleton replied, a cute and high-pitched voice coming from her morbidly dead skull.

Stunk didn't know quite what to do. He couldn't help but be enthralled. He never expected this.

"I think it's time for a BONEJOB," said the skeleton, inching towards Stunk's crotch.

The skeleton tore off Stunk's pants in a single move and went towards his erect dick. Her skeletal teeth bit Stunk's cock so hard it ripped right off, causing him to scream in pain and shoot blood all over the skeleton's face.

"Time to be a skeleton like me~" the skeleton said, striking a pose that would probably look cute if she had skin.

Meanwhile in Zel's room, the skeleton he was making out with proceeded to bite his tongue off, causing him to bleed out as well. In Kanchall's room, the skeleton he was getting a piggy back ride with accidently ran him into the ceiling disco ball, causing him to get glass shards all in his eyes and making him bleed out. Crimvael had a great time with their skeleton and left unharmed. With a majority of the Reviewers dead, the reviewing process ended forever.

END OF CHAPTER 1


	2. Chapter 2: A Day at the Zoo

CHAPTER 2: A Day at the Zoo

It was your average day at the inn. Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise were all drinking and eating heartily, talking about their favorite thing in the world: sex. Crimvael and Meidri were serving customers their orders and getting stared at by the lecherous of the patrons (except Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise, who took an oath to only have sex with Succu-Girls).

"Gorillas are NOT sexy," said Zel to his friends, looking very pouty.

"You're just saying that because they have no mana," said Stunk, "they're physical beauty is unmatched in the animal kingdom!"

"As an animal I am very pissed off by your phrasing," said Bruise the wolfman, "but I happen to agree with the sentiment that gorillas are pretty hot."

"Alright! Let's go to a brothel!" shouted Stunk, standing up and throwing his money for the food and drinks on the table.

Stunk, Zel, Bruise, and Crimvael all arrive at the zoo, thinking it's some brothel for people into bestiality. They ignore the little paper maps at the entrance and inevitably get lost in all the exhibits.

"Oh shit look, that's one weird looking gorilla!" said Stunk, pointing to a bear.

"I didn't know gorillas could swim," said Zel, looking at a dolphin.

Their confusing and ill-informed romp throughout the zoo took a sudden turn when the four friends got separated at the snake exhibit (or as Stunk called it, the "slimy gorilla exhibit"). Crimvael ended up being picked up by a cute guy consensually and they went on a date that lasted the rest of this chapter and they never got to see their friends again. Stunk and Bruise ended up finding each other in the bear exhibit again.

"Where's Crim and Zel? I swear we shouldn't have decided to get our own lunch, shoulda just gone all together," said Stunk.

"Well it's too late for that now. Besides, I didn't even go to get lunch I just shat in some bushes nearby," said Bruise.

"This brothel sure is boring, you can't even fuck the animals!" said Stunk, letting out a sigh of disappointment.

"… do you hear screaming?" asked Bruise.

The two looked around and saw Zel, completely pantless, getting mauled by a bear, screaming "oh my god this gorilla is fucking killing me!" Stunk and Bruise jumped the glass protector to save Zel when another bear ran up to them, stood up, and let out a loud growl.

"AAAAHHHH" said Stunk and Bruise in unison.

Stunk, Bruise, and Zel all got mauled by bears to death, the entire time saying "why won't these gorillas let us fuck them?"

END OF CHAPTER 2


	3. Chapter 3: What is Reviewing?

CHAPTER 3: What is Reviewing?

It was your average day at the inn. Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise were all drinking and eating heartily, talking about their favorite thing in the world: sex. Crimvael and Meidri were serving customers their orders and getting stared at by the lecherous of the patrons (except Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise, who took an oath to only have sex with Succu-Girls).

"I think I've come to a realization," said Stunk, looking dismayed.

"Huh? You've been thinking again? You know your doctor told you not to do that anymore or else you might get another aneurism," Zel said.

"I know, I know, but I couldn't help but think… so, we get paid to review sex, right?" Stunk said.

"Yeah, that's why we're called the Ishuzoku Reviewers (or Interspecies Reviewers depending on how much of a weeb you are)" said Kanchal.

"Doesn't that mean… we are sex workers? Non-Succu-Girl sex workers?" Stunk said.

"Yeah I guess in a way it does!" Bruise said, looking satisfied with himself.

"And yet… we still have to pay for sex, right?" Stunk said.

"Well yeah, we can't just get any Succu-Girl we want for free," Zel replied.

"That means we are… the worst sex workers… we are so bad we have to pay someone else to have sex with us, even if we get paid in the end…" Stunk said, tears beginning to stream down his face.

The group of Reviewers realized what Stunk said was true. They've been paid for having sex, meaning they're sex workers, and yet they still have to pay to have sex, meaning they aren't even good sex workers. With depressed looks on their faces, Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise all try to leave the bar but trip down the stairs and die. Crimvael and Meidri end up falling in love and getting married one year later.

END OF CHAPTER 3


	4. Chapter 4: Back on the Fairies

CHAPTER 4: Back on the Fairies

It was your average day at the inn. Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise were all drinking and eating heartily, talking about their favorite thing in the world: sex. Crimvael and Meidri were serving customers their orders and getting stared at by the lecherous of the patrons (except Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise, who took an oath to only have sex with Succu-Girls).

"Y'know," said Zel, "I was kinda wanting to go back to the fairy brothel we went to before."

"Huh? Why would we go there?" said Stunk.

"I'd go again," said Kanchall.

"What? Come on, am I the only one who DOESN'T want to go?" said Stunk.

"Well last time you went you _did_ have to sleep with someone who you wouldn't normally sleep with," Zel said, and then he lowered his voice to say "someone who looks over 20."

"Yeah yeah, rub it in, small dick," said Stunk, causing the whole table to laugh besides Zel, who got mad he was called "small dick" because he takes that kind of thing very personally.

The laughing caught the attention of Meirdri, who walked up to the table.

"Don't you remember I have a restraining order on you?" Meirdri said to Stunk, looking very pissed off to see his face again.

"Hey now, just because I'm not allowed to be within 100 meters of you doesn't mean I can't come to my favorite bar every now and then," said Stunk, not realizing how laws work.

"If you don't get out of here now I'm going to give you the opportunity to review a glass of beer up your ass!" said Meidri.

"Alright! Let's go to a brothel!" shouted Stunk, standing up and throwing his money for the drink on the table.

Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and nobody else because Crimvael's dick is too big to fuck the fairies and Bruise is a racist against fairies I guess I don't know, arrive at the fairy brothel they had been to before. In the doorway was madame Aloe, wearing basically nothing and smoking her usual pipe with much fervor.

"Well I'll be, I never thought I'd see your faces in here again," said Aloe, looking smug.

"Yeah, yeah…" said Stunk, trying not to look Aloe in the face.

"Last I saw in your review of my place you were rather upset at the prices and most of you weren't even satisfied with my girls," Aloe said, still looking smug.

"Well we had to pay for a first time membership fee, might as well come again since we're members," said Kanchall, "plus I liked coming here."

"Yeah I know you did, and thanks for being gross about the way fairies smell in your review by the way," said Aloe, surprisingly smug.

Stunk, Zel, and Kanchal all got rather upset at Aloe's smugness. They were Succu-Girls reviewers, they should be treated with respect and not with smug disdain! They all indecently came up with their own ways to enact revenge upon Aloe for being justifiably rude to them.

As Zel entered the fuck room with his chosen girl, he grinned as she flew up to him. He caressed her small body until his hands reached her waist, at which point he grabbed her tightly and shoved her inside his mouth. He began to chew her body into pieces, a rather difficult task considering she had strong BONES and she was struggling to escape.

Stunk and his fairy were about to engage in coitus when Stunk brandished a gun and shot the fairy he was supposed to fuck 37 times.

Kanchall actually just had normal sex with the fairy he was supposed to enact revenge upon, but he still got what he wanted by constantly whispering "mm you smell nice" to the fairy he was with, which made her uncomfortable.

After the three came out of their rooms, two of whom were covered in blood, they were met with police officers handcuffing them. Aloe had heard what went on in all the room (she didn't trust them coming back for no reason) and had them arrested. Stunk, Zel, and Kanchall rotted in jail until they died.

END OF CHAPTER 4


	5. Chapter 5: Gotta Go Fast

CHAPTER 5: Gotta Go Fast

It was your average day at the inn. Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise were all drinking and eating heartily, talking about their favorite thing in the world: sex. Crimvael and Meidri were serving customers their orders and getting stared at by the lecherous of the patrons (except Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise, who took an oath to only have sex with Succu-Girls).

"You all see that new _Sonic the Hedgehog_ movie that came out recently?" asked Bruise.

"You know we don't watch those furry movies you love so much," said Zel.

"What are you talking about? That movie kicked so much ass!" said Stunk.

"It was pretty good, actually," said Kanchall.

Zel couldn't understand why people would like furry movies. He had grown up in a strictly anti-anthropomorphic-animal home, or as his grandmother put it, AAA. Stunk and Kanchall however, don't even know what the word "furry" even means.

"Alright! Let's go to a brothel!" shouted Stunk, standing up and throwing his money for the drink on the table.

Stunk, Zel, Crimvael, and Bruise all were in front of the movie theater named "Sexy Showings." They walked in, bought their tickets, and sat down to see the _Sonic_ movie. It totally blew Zel away, he couldn't believe a movie could be so amazing, so captivating, so… wait a second, the main character looked familiar to Zel. Of course, Zel had heard of the _Sonic_ franchise before, but the exact way he was portrayed in the film… he knows he had seen this creature before.

Immediately after the movie, Zel rushed into the Succu-Girl district. The others followed, because hey why not, except Crimvael who went home to go to bed. Zel ran through the district until he saw it. Where he had seen the exact face of _Sonic_ used in the film. It was a brothel named "Gotta Cum Fast" (apologies), and while Zel had never gone there before, he had passed by it many times. He shook there in his boots, unable to move.

"Hey Zel, what's going on? Want to go in there?" said Stunk, motioning towards "Gotta Cum Fast." The trio entered and lo and behold, it was Zel's grandmother in a _Sonic_ cosplay as one of the Succu-Girls!

"G-grandma?" Zel asked.

"Oh my, Zel-chan, what're you doing here?" Zel's grandmother asked.

"I'm a Succu-Girl, and I love cosplay, so I work here! Did you never know this is where I worked?" Zel's grandmother said.

It all made sense. Why furries were not allowed in the house. Why Zel was so into sex. He was a descendant of a Succu-Girl who tried to protect him from his heritage. But she failed, as he had become someone who reviews sex for money (yes really) and now he's grown to love _Sonic_ as well. Zel shed a tear as he had failed his grandmothers wishes.

Now of course, since Zel's grandmother is an elf, she didn't age past 20. She still looked as young as Zel. Stunk was totally not listening to the conversation at all and immediately asked to go to bed with Zel's grandma. Zel watched in horror as Stunk, his best friend, went to go to bed with his own grandmother. Who was in a _Sonic_ cosplay no less! Zel, in a fit of anger, drew Bruise's sword (and it was done at such an angle that ended up cutting Bruise's torso to the point he would eventually bleed to death) and stabbed Stunk with it 93 times in the chest. After he calmed down, Zel was executed by the state.

END OF CHAPTER 5


	6. Chapter 6: DevilSponge

CHAPTER 6: DevilSponge

(This features characters from my previous fic "DevilSponge" which can be read here: s/13469442/1/DevilSponge this fic is also best read listening to "Devilman no Uta," while I personally would recommend the original 70s anime version, the Devilman Crybaby version works just as well. Please enjoy!)

It was your average day at the inn. Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise were all drinking and eating heartily, talking about their favorite thing in the world: sex. Crimvael and Meidri were serving customers their orders and getting stared at by the lecherous of the patrons (except Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise, who took an oath to only have sex with Succu-Girls).

"Holy shit, this friend sponge is great!" said Stunk, chewing as he spoke.

"I can't believe you won the limited edition friend sponge and we gotta eat the same old shit!" said Bruise, quite upset. He really wanted to eat sponge.

Suddenly, a flash of light in the middle of the bar caused everyone to hide their eyes. Out from the light was DEVILMAN!

"Fuckin hell!" said Devilman, "thank goodness I got out of that mess in ancient Greece!"

The bar was completely silent. Nobody knew who this Devilman was, let alone why he teleported into the middle of the bar completely naked. Stunk, Zel, Bruise, and Kanchall all got rather uncomfortable as Crimvael stared at Devilman's naked body.

"Hey, who do you think you are teleporting into the bar without any clothes on?" yelled Stunk, getting ready for a potential fight.

"Huh? Mind your own business, stinky!" said Devilman, somehow perfectly guessing Stunk's middle school nickname.

Devilman took a closer look at Stunk. His rugged and disheveled look did not impress the half-devil, but something caught his eye. The food he was eating… it was his friend Spongebob, or as he was known last he heard of him… DEVILSPONGE!

"Just what the fuck do you think you're doing? You're eating my friend!" yelled Devilman.

Devilman pointed his antennae at the friend sponge and shot a laser at it, using his devil powers to revive DevilSponge to his proper form! In order for this to happen, of course, the parts that Stunk ate were violently ripped out of his gut, causing him to turn into a pile of flesh and bones. Zel, Bruise, and Kanchall all drew their weapons in retaliation.

"You're gonna get what's coming to ya!" yelled Bruise.

"I think you're gonna be disappointed with the outcome of this fight," said Devilsponge, a large, smug grin forming on his face.

"Get ready for shit to start pouring out of your eyes when I kick your ass!" said Devilman, similarly looking very happy with himself.

Devilman and DevilSponge proceeded to beat the fucking shit out of the three main characters, and were applauded by the bar patrons because they were seen as quite the nuisance. Crimvael ran up to Devilman, still naked by the way, and asked him to go out on a date, but Devilman refused.

"Sorry, but I have to get back to my home world, wherever that is," Devilman said.

And so Devilman and DevilSponge walked off into the sunset together, reconnected at last.

END OF CHAPTER 6


	7. Chapter 7: Minions

CHAPTER 7: Minions

It was your average day at the inn. Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise were all drinking and eating heartily, talking about their favorite thing in the world: sex. Crimvael and Meidri were serving customers their orders and getting stared at by the lecherous of the patrons (except Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise, who took an oath to only have sex with Succu-Girls).

"Now I know this sounds bad, but… I kinda wanna try fuckin a Minion…" said Kanchall.

There was complete silence at the table for a solid ten seconds, before Zel broke the silence.

"Why?" said Zel.

"Well, halflings and fairies are all pretty small and accomidate my size, right?" Kanchall said, to which everybody replied with a nod, "well Minions are the same way."

"Yeah but… really, Minions?" said Stunk.

"I know it sounds weird but… I just think it would be worth trying out, if I don't like it don't have to do it again, right?" Kanchall said.

"Alright! Let's go to a brothel!" shouted Stunk, standing up and throwing his money for the drink on the table.

Stunk, Zel, Kanchall, and Bruise stood outside a Minion brothel, very scared of what lied beyond the door. They hadn't even gone inside and they already regretted their decision. Kanchall took the nervous steps inside and almost cried tears of shock as he saw Minions in revealing clothes.

"Ooba banana?" said a nearby Minion.

The four then got brain clots and died.

END OF CHAPTER 7


	8. Chapter 8: Nyan Neko Sugar Girl

CHAPTER 8: Nyan Neko Sugar Girls

It was your average day at the inn. Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise were all drinking and eating heartily, talking about their favorite thing in the world: sex. Crimvael and Meidri were serving customers their orders and getting stared at by the lecherous of the patrons (except Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise, who took an oath to only have sex with Succu-Girls).

"Hey have you heard of this new anime called 'Nyan Neko Suga Girls'?" said Stunk.

"That's not new, its like ten years old or something," replied Zel.

"Either way, it got me thinkin… I kinda wanna fuck a catgirl!" said Stunk.

Everyone was in agreement. Catgirls were hot.

"Alright! Let's go to a brothel!" shouted Stunk, standing up and throwing his money for the drink on the table.

Stunk, Zel, Kanchall, and Crimvael were on their way to a catgirl brothel. Crimvael left early, however, convincing everyone that they had slept with a catgirl already and didn't need to again. They ended up living happily ever after marrying the first catgirl he slept with. The others, however, were in for a surprise when they arrived at the catgirl brothel.

"Why's it closed?" said Stunk.

"Maybe its roaches?" said Kanchall.

They looked around and saw the mistress of the catgirl brothel having a screaming match with another catgirl, but it didn't look like a Succu-Girl. This girl looked jagged, weirdly colored, her features heavily exaggerated to the point her boobs were just large, bouncing, circles with no hint of even trying to look sexy. And yet, Stunk fell in love at first sight. Without thinking, he ran up to the catgirl currently in an argument.

"Hey there pretty baby, how about you and me-" Stunk said, before getting interrupted with a large hammer destroying his skull.

The hammer had come from the catgirl, who everyone could tell her name was "Raku-chan" from the argument she was having, who had been so angry with Stunk's flirting that she killed him on the spot. And yet the guards didn't seem to care. Kanchall and Zel walked up to her to try and get her to turn herself in but before they could get in edge ways, Raku-chan slammed the hammer against their heads and killed them too.

THE END


	9. Chapter 9: Mirror Mirror on the Wall

CHAPTER 9: Mirror Mirror on the Wall

It was your average day at the inn. Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise were all drinking and eating heartily, talking about their favorite thing in the world: sex. Crimvael and Meidri were serving customers their orders and getting stared at by the lecherous of the patrons (except Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise, who took an oath to only have sex with Succu-Girls).

"This may sound weird, but… I can't look in mirrors anymore… they turn me on…" said Zel.

"Huh?" Everyone in the bar said at once.

"Oh, so Mr. 'Gay people are gross, men can never be sexy' is getting off to himself in the mirror, huh?" said Meidri.

"W-wait but-" said Zel, but before he could say anything, all of his friends spoke.

"So what? I've been doing the same thing," said Stunk.

"Yeah same here," said Kanchal.

"Me too," said Bruise.

Everyone else in the bar were not surprised. For people who were as narcissistic enough to write reviews for sex as if their opinion mattered would get off to themselves in the mirror despite being homophobic. Everyone ignored the shitheads and went back to their own business, but the four friends had an idea.

"Alright! Let's go to a brothel!" shouted Stunk, standing up and throwing his money for the drink on the table.

Later that night, the four friends walked into the brothel "Magic Mirror," where they could fuck themselves. They walk in and get the cheapest method, which is summoning themselves from an alternate dimension. Little did they know, that was actually a trap set up by demons to get back at them for not fucking demons when they were asked to (this series is weird).

They sit in front of the mirror and chant "mirror mirror on the wall, I wish to fuck myself." After doing so three times, alternate universe versions of Stunk, Zel, Bruise, and Kanchal walk through the mirror! They all stare at each other for a second before putting a hand on their alternate version selves, which of course causes a dimensional rift and makes them explode, killing them all instantly.

END OF CHAPTER 9


	10. Chapter 10: Oncest

CHAPTER 10: Oncest

It was your average day at the inn. Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise were all drinking and eating heartily, talking about their favorite thing in the world: sex. Crimvael and Meidri were serving customers their orders and getting stared at by the lecherous of the patrons (except Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise, who took an oath to only have sex with Succu-Girls).

"Hey, have all of you heard of this Onceler thing all over the internet right now? I don't really know that much about it, I just keep seeing it on my twitter feed," said Stunk.

"What the fuck? What year is it? Did I die and go to hell?" asked Zel.

"I don't know much about the Onceler but a brothel called 'Oncest' just opened up and I think they're related somehow," said Kanchall.

"Alright! Let's go to a brothel!" shouted Stunk, standing up and throwing his money for the drink on the table.

Stunk, Zel, Kanchall, and Crimvael entered Oncest and were shocked to see hundreds of clones of the same 3D CG animated twink walking around, all with unique (see: stereotypical) personalities that set them apart from each other.

"Welcome to Oncest, how may I take your order?" asked Receptionist-Onceler.

Everybody was too confused to say anything, given the circumstances. However what was even more confusing was the fact that there was only one woman Onceler, known as Wonceler. Everyone stared blankly at each other, hoping to be the first to make a move and get her to himself. Except Crimvael, who left because they saw Meidri and just really badly wanted to leave.

"Um, excuse me? Are you all going to do anything or just stand in the entrance?" said Receptionist-Onceler.

Stunk, Zel, and Kanchall all decided to take the L and have an orgy session with Wonceler to get it out of the way. This had to happen eventually.

"Yeah uh… one group session with… the woman one," said Stunk, so embarrassed at having to say that he almost barfed.

Receptionist-Onceler led them to a room with Wonceler and they were so scared of touching each other during an orgy in fear of being considered gay they all threw up their organs onto the bed, and died on the spot.

END OF CHAPTER 10


	11. Chapter 11: Obligatory Homestuck Chapter

CHAPTER 11: The Obligatory Homestuck Chapter

It was your average day at the inn. Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise were all drinking and eating heartily, talking about their favorite thing in the world: sex. Crimvael and Meidri were serving customers their orders and getting stared at by the lecherous of the patrons (except Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise, who took an oath to only have sex with Succu-Girls). After a weird joke Crimvael overhears them say, they join in on the conversation.

"Haha, that's just like Homestuck!" Crimvael said.

"What's a Homestuck?" asked Zel.

"Oh, it's just this funny webcomic, it's all weird and stuff," said Crimvael.

"Hmm… do you think there's a brothel for it?" asked Zel.

"Oh my god it's always brothels with you people," said Meidri, jumping into the conversation, "for once in your life why don't you take something non-sexually, after all Homestuck is full of-"

Interrupting Meidri, Stunk, Zel, Kanchall, and Bruise all laughed really hard.

"Taking something non-sexually? Who do you think we are, women?" said Kanchall.

"Alright! Let's go to a brothel!" shouted Stunk, standing up and throwing his money for the drink on the table.

The four doofuses arrive at a brothel they assume is related to Homestuck in some way. They didn't actually go to a Homestuck related brothel because, in case you were not aware, that kind of thing doesn't exist in this universe because all the characters of Homestuck are minors. Teenagers. Children. I mean I guess the character's parents are adults but they have alternate-reality child versions of them too so it would still be creepy. In the end, no such thing existed, so instead they accidentally went to a Home Improvement brothel, because they figured it was close enough. Unfortunately, the only options for fucking are various women in Tim Allen cosplay, which none of the guys are interested in. Ironically, the Home Improvement brothel wasn't built by an architect, but rather a clown. Look I have to make this story about Homestuck somehow. So as the four guys were reconsidering their options the building collapsed, killing only those four. All the Tim Allen cosplayers lived for some reason. Probably because the chapters always end with bad things happening to the main characters. God this story really got lazier and lazier as things went. Y'know, the first few chapters had genuine effort in them. I wanted to write a really satirical dark comedy about the characters of this anime I hate dying over and over. And yet however many months later here we are and most chapters are even shorter than the originally bite-sized ones with way less thought behind them. I think the last chapter I put effort into was the DevilSponge chapter, and that's because it involved my OC and Devilman, who I care way more about. I gotta figure out what I'm gonna do next with this story because the way things are now this is just sad. Oh right I was in the middle of a story, not a diary entry. Sorry, Homestuck Chapter got me typing novellas over here. Anyway all 4 of those guys died the end/

END OF CHAPTER 11


	12. Chapter 12: The End of the Line

CHAPTER 12: The End of the Line

It was your average day at the inn. Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise were all drinking and eating heartily, talking about their favorite thing in the world: sex. Crimvael and Meidri were serving customers their orders and getting stared at by the lecherous of the patrons (except Stunk, Zel, Kanchal, and Bruise, who took an oath to only have sex with Succu-Girls).

"Y'know… I think I'm done going to brothels," said Stunk.

"Yeah, I think I am too," said Zel.

Bruise nodded his head slowly and with a slight grunt. It appeared they all were tired of sex. This is where they would normally make a joke and have Weezer be the theme of the brothel they go to, but they weren't even interested in that. Not this time. They had gone through years, decades, potentially even centuries of going to brothels, dying, being reincarnated and doing the whole dirty cycle again. It was almost as if the Gods themselves were putting them through a horrendous horny hell. They were no longer sure how many times this had occurred. They were not even sure if they could stop. But dammit if they were not going to try.

(AN: they've been going thru this for literally so long if you can think of an example in which they die going to a brothel, it probably happened. It is canon now. You're welcome.)

"Hey, Crim…" started Stunk, before stopping as he saw Meidri shooting him a glare as if she wanted to tell him to leave them alone.

"Hey Crim! Do you wanna, um… play board games when you're done with your shift?" asked Zel.

"Aren't you going to a brothel?" asked Crimvael, disdain on their face.

"Not today," said Stunk.

Crimvael agreed and went back to work. Meidri, watching from afar, looked in surprise to see her friend was not a victim to sexual harassment yet again. She eyed the three drinking to make sure they were not planning anything but they left soon after. She clocked in for the night and followed them out. Unfortunately for her, she did not do so without them noticing.

"Hey Meidri, we can hear you behind us," said Zel.

"Wha-" Meidri stuttered.

She came out of a nearby bush and walked up to them, looking a little ashamed.

"What's wrong? Did we forget to pay?" asked Stunk.

This struck Meidri as odd as they usually don't care if they miss a payment. It also didn't occur to her to check if they had paid.

"Oh, um, no it's not that, I was just curious what you were doing because I didn't hear you shout something about a brothel in your usually annoying tone of voice," said Meidri, getting more irritated and back to her usual self as she talked.

"We are taking a break from that kind of thing tonight. In fact, we were going to Zel's place to play board games. You interesting in coming?" said Stunk.

Meidri was struck with shock. She seemed almost pale she was so surprised. Shaking her head to get back into the moment, she looked at them with a raised eyebrow.

"Since when do you take a break from going to brothels?" said Meidri.

"I dunno… just a whim thing?" said Zel, who started walking toward his place, leaving Meidri.

The others soon followed after Stunk once again offered to have her over. Meidri thought about this for a little while, before deciding to go check it out to see how it will end up. As every member of the cast of the series arrived at Zel's place (for convenience's sake pretend they invited everyone earlier) and they all had a great time. This time, at least, nobody died.

THE END


End file.
